Well, it's that time of year again. Yes, the time when the results for CAPE come out. Actually it was very much delayed this year, seeing as some intelligent people in Barbados decided to steal the test papers and sell them to equally intelligent Trinidadians for obscene amounts of money, causing the recall of all test papers and the postponement of all exams and, consequently, their results.

Anyway, this year's results are not so surprising. I've long ago learnt that CAPE marks people by banging their collective fist on a numeric keypad. However, I'm still a bit sad. I mean, I want to go to Oxford. Thanks to CAPE and its temperamental mark scheme, I don't have the requisite grades. Something NO ONE would have thought possible. And hearing them exclaim in disbelief just makes me feel a bit sadder about it all ._.

Oh well. My marks for this year are as follows:

• Caribbean Studies (also known as bullshit) -- 1 (AAA)
• French -- 1 (AAA)
• Spanish -- 1 (AAA)
• Lit unit 1 (yes, again) -- 2 (BAB)
• Lit unit 2 -- 2 (BAB)

What I don't understand about this year's results is that I seem to have managed to get an A in the poetry module in lit. Why? I hate poetry. I suck at it. My poetry essays contain some of the finest bits of fudge outside of Godiva. It is impossible to look at one of my poetry essays and not say "This candidate knows nothing and is using flowery language to cover her own arse". Unless this is what CAPE actually wants me to do, I really cannot begin to understand why they marked me highest in my worst area. Drama, my beloved drama, my darling Shakespeare and Miller, got a B. Why? WHY when I worked so assiduously to gather genuine knowledge on the subject? WHY when I fed them so much Aristotle that the poor man's philosophy must be coming out of every orifice of these examiners?

Since I will never know what CAPE wants (putting aside the scary thought that CAPE wants waffle and improvisation), I will probably be soon migrating to the United Kingdom in order to do a one-year A level course just to prove to those admissions bastards that I can do English literature, despite what the Council has to say about it. You can tell I desperately want to get into this school.

Don't know what kind of marks Fifi managed to pull this year. I'll find that out later today when she goes to collect the results. This year's geography shenanigans were a bit more subtle than last year's. She got an extra sheet of grid paper to draw a map for a certain question, but decided that no way in hell was she drawing any map. So she folded up the paper and slipped it into her pocket. Then, underneath the question requiring the map, she wrote, "Map attached to back of answer booklet". It wasn't. I would have loved to see the uproar at Council headquarters... but sadly I could not.

Anyway, I'm off to try cheering myself up. Maybe I'll dunk my head in the pool. Or look wistfully at pictures of chocolate cake. Fuck it, I'll find some way.