Look up there. Do these make you horny? Do they make you uncomfortable? Do you feel that these are damaging you in some way? Have you ever asked yourself why?

I don't know whether it's a result of studying language and literature at advanced level, or just a consequence of getting older, but something has gone "snap" inside my brain recently on the topic of the sexualisation of women's bodies. I'm sure you've heard someone lament, or note sagely, "When a woman takes her clothes off it's sexy; when a man takes his clothes off it's funny." You may substitute "offensive" for "funny" if you so wish. This philosophy is put to great use in advertising. For example, have you ever wanted to purchase a Playstation 3 but were distracted by the HOT WII ASS being smacked in front of your face? Yeah, I thought so. The Burger King "Spongebob No-Pants" ad is another pretty good example. Seems innocent enough, doesn't it? Naked man standing in bathtub, covered in foam with a sponge on his head. I don't think there are a lot of women/girls who secretly flick their beans to visions of that guy. Hell, my mom laughed at it. Now let's just say that it was Mom instead of Dad who was there in the bathtub covered in foam with a sponge on her head. Can you imagine the public outcry? Pornography. That's what it'd be called. Pornography. A naked woman is pornography. A naked man is family comedy. Have you ever seen a scantily-dressed man posed next to a shiny automobile? Have you ever seen a male shaking his moneymaker right up in the camera lens in a music video? Have you ever seen a guy cradling a little doggie between his man-boobies with a big sign on top saying "BIGGER IS BETTER" and then saw that it was a dog-food ad?

This kind of thing doesn't really stop at grown women. It begins in the tween years, disgustingly enough. One Christmas night my brother and I were sitting in the living room of a relative's house, peacefully watching Christmas specials on Cartoon Network. All the children were lying asleep on the poofy armchairs. Suddenly an advertisement comes onto the television in bright psychedelic colour, and we see a bunch of little girls who look no older than eleven shaking their butts in the screen, wearing thongs. Thongs. Thongs with pre-teen-themed designs on them. Now honestly. I got my first thong when I was well into thirteen, and that was only because I asked my mom. I think I was having a VPL problem or something. Another example of sex-pumped girlhood is in a Colombian underwear retail store called Pasarela. My boyfriend and I went to Pasarela in search of cool things. As we stepped inside, we noticed two cardboard cutouts. One of a little boy, the other of a little girl. The little boy had all the lustre and glow of youth in his freckly smiling face as he stood happily and proudly in his navy blue boxer shorts, as if to say, "I'm a big boy now!" The little girl's half-lidded eyes and parted lips over her braces, combined with her seductive hip-shot pose made her seem like some kind of kiddie porn star, who, very unlike the boy, seems to be saying, "Come touch me and go to jail!"

But the main problem I have is society's obsession with BREASTS. I just happened to switch on the TV late one night and there was this woman talking about how she was harassed in a Toys 'R' Us because she was breastfeeding her seven-month-old child in a discreet area. The store employees told her, "You can't do that here. There are children around!" Oh yes! *dramatic whisper* There are CHILDREN around!! I guess it's a good idea to keep children from seeing exposed breasts, because, after all, they are vulgar and vile organs of lust and seduction-- not at all useful for nurturing and keeping children alive, not so? I mean, if they see it they'll just run away and cry. I don't know who decided that it was okay for a man to parade his moobs and not okay for women to walk shirtless, but I'd really like to find out who did and why. I mean, it's not like a man's nipples can't be used for sexual purposes... That's all they're really good for anyway. If the breast tissue of one of the genders had to be considered sexual, I'd say it was men's. I mean, it's not like they have an alternative use!

I bet all the people who know me that read this are probably envisioning the hair in my armpits beginning to grow and lengthen at breakneck speed and my entire bra drawer bursting spontaneously into flames. But I guarantee you that this is not the case. And it will never be the case. I am simply awakening to the strange ways of the world. I suppose all I can do in my situation is wait for the words of my history teacher to come true, when a woman can "walk the streets naked" without fear of reproach.